Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva ¶
¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ mva ¶
[tense electronic music]
¶
- Hey, suze, it's turkey tetrazzini day.
Looks like they finally took your suggestion.
- Of course. General monger loved the idea.
Turkey tetrazzini. Turkey tetrazzini.
Turkey tetra-- - [clears throat]
- [giggles]
It's really good.
I'm sure you guys will love it too.
It's my all-time favorite dish.
- Mm, I look forward to indulging.
- And I can't wait to try it.
I'll eat anything,
Except that gloppy noodle stuff with the meat chunks,
'cause that looks ridiculously nasty.
Ugh!
- That is the turkey tetrazzini, b.O.B.
- Oh, and tetrazzini means "looks kinda barf-y?"
- [stammers] I-I'll just fish a sample out of the garbage...
Later.
- And I'll just--yeah.
Wow, I must really be disgusted right now
'cause I got nothin'.
- Stop, it's delicious. - [groans]
- Sta'abi, you'll try the tetrazzini, right?
- Ugh. Mushy baby food.
For weak humans, not mighty warriors.
I have live-protein diet.
- You mean "high protein?"
- I don't think she does.
So do you pull the heads off first or--
Ow!
- [slurps]
- You're all trying it, you picky babies.
[dramatic orchestration]
¶
[squelch]
Oh, jeez. Sta'abi, I'm sorry.
- [groans]
- Here, I'll clean it off.
Seltzer, stat.
- [groans nervously]
Oh, oh!
[groans]
Oh, no! Really sorry!
- [grumbles] - truly sorry. So, so sorry.
Like, a boatful of sorries.
- Sta'abi will endure no more!
- [groans]
- Whoa.
I said sorry, a lot.
- Oh. You call that an apology?
- On this planet? Yeah.
- Sta'abi is not from this planet.
Hers is a proud culture.
You must apologize profoundly,
Profusely, and publicly.
- Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
She is a warrior.
The only thing she understands is force.
So just step on her. I mean, really just step on her.
Then call it a day. Just walk away.
- What? No. Coverton's right.
Can't believe I'm gonna say this.
Thanks. - The pleasure is mine.
- Attention, please.
I have an announcement.
I want to say to everyone in this room,
As well as everyone all around the base,
Wherever they are,
That I owe sta'abi a huge, monster-sized apology.
- Oh, very good, good, good. - I am so, so sorry, sta'abi.
Really sorry, from the bottom of my heart.
- Good, keep going.
- I even made you an "I'm sorry" card.
See? The saw is, like, "saw-ry."
'cause I'm sorry? Get it?
[giggles] cute, right?
And not only that,
I baked you a cake. [metallic scraping]
- ¶ cake
[chuckles] and I only had one bite.
- B.O.B.! - What?
You said I could have one.
- I said you could have none.
None. - Oh.
I gotta get my ears cleaned out.
Also, I gotta get ears.
- Okay. I'll bake you another cake.
I'll bake you a cake every day for the rest of the week.
Just another way to say-- - [grumbling]
- You know what I'm gonna say, right?
¶ I am sorry
- Gah!
[glass shatters]
[cake crashes] - ¶ cake
- I-I don't understand.
- You think sta'abi so weak to need your apologies?
No!
Apologies are for weepy earth babies...
[feigns crying]
Not glory hunter like sta'abi.
- Wait, you're mad because I'm apologizing?
- On my planet, apology is worst insult.
- Yes, yes, that's right.
- So you're not mad
Because I got tetrazzini on your uniform?
Or because I sprayed you with seltzer?
- [scoffs] no.
Seltzer was delightful and refreshing.
But apology insult was not!
- But--but coverton said you'd want a big, public "so sorry."
- [sighs] what's that?
Oh! General monger is summoning me.
- I don't hear anything.
- Uh, uh, coming, general.
- Coverton. Look, I didn't know.
I'm so sorry, which is totally the wrong thing to say.
Sorry. Gah! Did it again.
Sorry. Gah!
- I declare growl'nkoot!
[all gasp]
Growl'nkoot! Growl'nkoot!
- Growl and coot? What does that mean?
- Ancient ritual.
Means there is hak'ngut between us.
- Helpful. And hak'ngut means?
- I reclaim my honor by hunting you,
Carving out your fralnick, and feeding it to vornicarn.
- [growls]
[slurps]
- Fralnick. I won't even ask.
But I think I wanna keep it.
- The hunt will begin at the rise
Of the fourth moon.
- Point of order: Earth has but one moon.
- Really? Good to know.
Okay, we start now.
¶ sta'abi
[groans]
- Sorry.
Guys, stop. I'm sure I can clear the air.
- Uh-uh.
That air has turned from a funnel cloud
To an f5 tornado.
- Precisely, so we must flee
To the deepest regions of the base.
[neck cracks]
- [roars]
- We'll be safe in here.
[all groaning]
- Giant iron balls dropping from the ceiling
Doesn't seem--oh!-- Very safe.
[groans]
- Why would someone make a room like this?
[groans]
I mean, seriously. What is the point?
- Ah, susan, when you start thinking like that,
Soon you're asking "what's the point
Of putting peanut butter on a hamster?"
- [squeaks] - good chat.
I think we all learned something today here, gang.
I know I did. - [growls]
- Aah!
B.O.B., run!
- [slurps] - yes.
Sta'abi smells the stink of susan, too.
- [growls]
- What's our next move?
- Whatever it is, let's choose wisely.
- Oh, I know!
I found these flowers and muffins.
I'll take them to sta'abi. They'll make her happy.
- No, b.O.B. [electricity crackles]
- [screams]
Who doesn't love flowers and muffins?
- More hiding? That's our wise move?
This is ridiculous. We can't avoid sta'abi forever.
- Then go back to my original suggestion:
Step on her.
I mean, really step on her!
- No, that's the last thing I wanna do,
Aside from giving her my fralnick,
Which I'm still using-- I think.
This whole situation is a horrible misunderstanding.
I was just ignorant about sta'abi's culture.
- Ignorance. That's the answer.
- Works for me.
- We haven't much knowledge about sta'abi.
Likewise, she hasn't much information about us,
Particularly about human anatomy.
And this is a weakness...
We can...Exploit.
- [shouting] where...Are...We?
More gummy worms.
- Oh, yes, a few more.
- B.O.B., they're not a snack.
- And yet, not quite a meal.
- Just put these here and-- voila.
- There. That looks authentic enough.
- [snarls]
- Oh, no. It's sta'abi.
- No more seek and hide.
- I couldn't agree more.
I'm ready to accept my fate.
- [spits]
[tense electronic music]
¶
- Oh! Ow!
You--you tagged me good, sta'abi.
Oh. Oh.
[groans]
Oh, no, my fralnick!
- Barely, I touch you. Are all humans this feeble?
- Like you wouldn't believe.
- Mm-hmm, full of defects. A shoddy house of cards.
- Oh, well, I'll have to live without my fralnick,
Which, by the way, us humans can totally do.
So we're even steven, right?
- This no fralnick. What fool you take sta'abi for?
- Well, um, human fralnicks are kinda...Gummy?
- [sniffs] gooblesnark!
Even better.
- [munching]
[sighs happily] - right.
Yummy and gummy.
- Honor and duty are satisfied.
Growl'nkoot is done.
- Oh, sweet.
Well, see you around, sta'abi. Bye.
- She fell for it. - Yay!
She fell for it! Yay!
Hooray! Did you hear that, susan?
She fell for it. - Fell for it?
Fell for what?
- Sta'abi, your voice sounds kinda harsh.
This is a time for celebration
'cause you totally fell for the bogus gummy fralnick and--
- Bogus? Growl'nkoot!
- That is enough.
- [groans] - step on her.
- We are gonna make peace
Even if I have to grind you into the ground.
- What did you say? - Uh, make peace?
- No. The other thing.
- [meekly] grind you into the ground?
- Ah.
Finally, you act with honor.
- What-a-wha? - We are flarn'groot.
- Does that mean even steven?
- No, but sta'abi will stop hunting you for now.
- Good enough.
- Now? - Yeah, b.O.B., now.
- Yay! Hooray!
Yay! Hooray!
[laughs]
Whoops. Sorry.
- Growl'nkoot!
- I said I was sorry.
Why are you so mad?
[tense orchestration]
¶
- [growls]
[grunts]
- [snarling]
- [grunting]
- [snarling]
- [grunting]
- [snarling]
- [battle cry]
[grunts]
- [groans]
[applause]
- Those dummies were only two days from retirement.
[crying] why?
- Only five?
Vornicarn, where is the final trophy-skull?
- [groans]
- Oh, bad vornicarn.
Release. Obey me!
- [groans, snorts]
- [groans]
Stubborn, impudent jortnurg!
- [screams] - [spits]
- Language. [electricity crackling]
[screams]
- Indoor lightning.
Methinks this was not meteorological.
- And me thinks about what I'd look like as a hand puppet.
[mumbling indistinctly]
Nop, nop, nop, nop.
Nop, nop, nop, nop, nop, nop-- - what the heck was that?
- She said the "j"-word.
- There's a "j"-word? - Not on this planet.
It is one of our alien forbidden words.
- You guys have your own swears?
That's kinda awesome.
- It is anti-opposite not awesome.
Unlike your earth potty talk,
The forbidden words have actual, physical consequences.
- The "j"-word makes lightning.
The "g"-word's spontaneous combustion.
And of course, we don't even speak
About the dreaded "q"-word.
[shudders]
- [whimpers]
- [chuckles] you're kidding, right?
You know the way sta'abi is, such a kidder.
Oh.
- They are so destructive,
Only a simple fool would utter them.
- Precisely. Only a...
- Nup, nup, nup. Nop, nop, nop, nop.
- Simple fool. [chuckles]
- Nop, nop, nop, nop, nop, nop, nop.
- I hate when he does that. Creep-to-the-e.
- ¶ evil, evil, evil, evil, evil ¶
Hmm, "j"-word.
"g"-word. Double-"o"-word.
Flur-word. Mm.
And dare I go for the dreaded "q"-word?
Hmm, indeed.
[groaning]
Commence evil.
- Nop, nop, nop. Nop, nop, nop, nop.
"cool new words to say."
Huh.
[rattling, ding]
Wow. These are cool!
I'm gonna go say them right now.
[giggles]
What's up, steve, you old girkmorch?
[chuckles]
- Aah!
Aah!
- Oh, excuse me. - No worries, buddy.
It's all flurglegurgle.
- Huh?
Aah!
- Hm. - Curly fries?
Oh, yum infinity.
This is the best jornurging day ever.
- [grunts]
[cans rattling]
[rumbling]
- [shouts]
[all shouting]
- Okay, what was that?
- Desert volcano?
Methinks this was not vulcanological.
- I was totally waiting for b.O.B.
To say something ridiculous there.
- Yeah, that was kinda awkward.
Where is he, anyway? - [gasps]
- Who has spoken the forbidden words?
- The "q"-word makes a stinking volcano?
- Oh, no, this is merely from the double-"o"-word.
- If the brainless oaf whose toilet mouth did this
Also knows the "q"-word,
There will be much worse coming.
- Brainless oaf? Mm-mm.
- ¶ doopy, diddy, doo
¶ doopy, doopy, jortnurg
- [screams]
¶ dingle, dangle
¶ wabba, dabba, girkmorch
- Look out! Fire!
- ¶ dabba, dabba
¶ b.O.B. Solo
Mr. President. What's up, frowny sad face, sir?
- It's what's down, b.O.B.
Look at these popularity numbers.
[mimics bomb-dropping]
That was america dropping a hate-bomb on me.
- Oh, that is so just like america.
[chuckles] hm.
Have you tried being more popular?
- Great idea. I gotta really wow the people.
I'm thinking something internet-y,
Like a webcast video blog viral thing.
- Love it.
You should do it with that cat that laughs.
- But it needs that extra kick of cool, you know?
- Did somebody say "cool"?
- Wow. Those words are cool.
- And just think how groovy they'll sound
When they're broadcast through the entire world.
[chuckles]
- You think we can work these into my interweb blogcast?
- You bet your flurglegurgle, sir.
- Oh, no!
[screams]
¶ evil, evil, evil, evil, evil ¶
- [growls] all: B.O.B.!
- B.O.B.! - Yo, b.O.B.!
- Vornicarn, are you yet smelling
The blue monster's musk?
- [growls]
[vomits]
- That is vomit for "yes."
- General monger, have you seen b.O.B.?
- Affirmative.
He's off in the desert
Making some internet video hoo-ha with the president.
- What?
- Worldwide waste of time, if you ask me.
Got the script here and I can't understand half the words,
Like this word here.
What's a quoog-- - [screams]
It's the "q"-word. He's going to use the "q"-word.
We have to stop him! - Yes.
And I must "help" you.
- Why did you make air quotes on the word "help"?
- Um, uh, those aren't air quotes.
[chuckles]
Uh, they're hel-por and handy,
The twin bunnies of good deeds.
[falsetto] "let's do some good."
"oh, yes. Let's."
- Oh. Hello, america.
It's just me, the president,
Ripping through the desert in a jeep
With my homey, an 8-foot gelatinous monster.
- Hi, america. - Yeah.
We just blew your girkmorched mind.
- There!
Your president must've used the "g"-word.
- Does he spit acid on his mother with that mouth?
- Where are we in the script, suze?
- Two more pages to the "q"-word.
Punch it!
[engine revvs]
[screaming]
[all groaning]
- Some people say I've lost my mojo.
Well, to them I say, how do you like this jortnurg?
- Ow!
- Somebody put out that lightning.
I'm tryin' to watch a webcast.
- So hypothetically, if the president
Actually does say the "q"-word,
How horrible would this be,
Like, on a scale from 1 to aah!
- To speak the "q"-word from even one mouth is a disaster.
- And your president is about to blurt it
To the entire internet,
Multiplying the impact catastrophically.
- Thus cleansing the earth of all human life-forms
Just in time for--
Oh, look. It's the bunnies again.
"hello." [chuckles]
[tank beeps]
- You feeling me, america? Yee-ahh!
- Who wants to see some stunts?
- Let me hear you say, "oodifoo!"
[groaning]
[volcano rumbles]
- My tank!
[both shouting and laughing]
[cheering]
- Double "o"-word?
We're only one page away from the big "q."
We have to stop him now.
[warbling tone]
[groans, sighs]
[warbling tone]
[engine sputters] [both groan]
- Eureka! I have the perfect device to--aah!
My extra-sensitive, comically oversized insect eyes!
- [cackles]
Oh!
- Vornicarn, make me airborne!
[shouts]
[brakes screech]
Both: Whoa!
- Yes! Mr. President! Mr. President!
You have to stop-- [groans]
- Guys, shh.
You're interrupting a very important
And super cool livestream.
- [groans] where was I?
Oh, right. So, in conclusion...
- B.O.B., you have to let us through!
He's gonna say the "q"-word to the world.
- Shyeah. How awesome is that?
- And there's nothing we can do to stop it.
Horror.
- No. There is still one thing.
Duck and cover your ears.
- Why?
- We must fight the "q"-word
With the "q"-word.
I will whisper quietly and hope for the best.
[low] quoogwaffle.
- [screams]
[lightning crashes]
[shouting and screaming]
[ominous music]
- [laughing]
[groans]
- Whoa!
¶
- And that is why we do not speak the "q"-word.
Come, vornicarn, I must scrub out mouth with rocks.
- That was some seriously intense jortnurg.
- [screams]